Where to begin?

For years now I have been told I should write a book.  I love to write- I'm freaky that way. However, I'm not certain there would be a market for my stories.  So- feeling 10% brave and 90% coward- here is an attempt to share how one family made it though the first 22 years of marriage and 17 years of Autism.

Perhaps you are wondering about the title of this blog?  Well, our beloved dog Molly passed away early this summer.  Autism was so prevalent in our home over the years we found each of us had quirks that could fit the definition of Autsim- even the dog.

My husband and I have 3 children- 1 daughter and 2 sons.  Both of my boys have different forms of Autism.  Andy is the middle child whose version doesn't have a specific name.  We just say he functions at a 'moderate to severe level'.  Michael, the youngest, has Aspergers syndrome.  He functions at a very high level- almost too smart for our own good.  Lastly, but not forgotten- Kelsey is our oldest.  We affectionately refer to her as 'the normie'.

If you ask me how I've made it through the last 21 years of parenting I would have to say with tears, great friends, and sometimes struggling to find the humor in a situation.  In the early years everyone else seemed to think my stories were hilarious.  I found very few things fun or humorous.  I just wanted to get through the day. Thankfully, no one was killed, maimed or permanently damaged by mistakes I certainly made over the years (in reality I'm only certain no one was actually killed).

One of my favorite photos of the kids
Michael 6, Kelsey 8, Andy 7
Summer 2000

How about I start at the beginning and just wing it.

Kelsey was born in 1991.  John and I had dated for 4 years before we got married.  Kelsey came along 6 months later (she wasn't a preemie- so yep- we put the cart before the horse).  She was a pudgy happy baby.  Normal in every way and the center of our universe.  When she was 3 months old, John was holding her in the kitchen and commented "You know, it wouldn't be the worst thing to have another baby."

I ovulated on the spot and 9 months later Andy was born.  

Andy was a difficult baby from day one.  Turned blue an hour after he was born (forgot to breath), slow to finish a bottle (I struggled not to fall asleep during midnight feedings) and very, very cranky.  I bought a front carrier just to free my hands up but keep him near me and possibly content.  We didn't discover his autism for another 3 years, so we just assumed he was colicky and he would out grow his issues.

I understand shaken child syndrome.  What I mean is- I understand how a mother who loves a child with all her heart and soul could loose control and do one thing in 2 seconds but regret it forever.  Thankfully- my friend Julie saved my from that horror.

If you had 10 minutes of content Andy- you had a short miracle in my home.  If Andy cried, you swore someone was tearing off his arm.  He SCREAMED.  One day, I was exhausted, John was at work, and I'm home with a 16 month old and a 3 month old. I was at the end of my rope after trying to comfort Andy for over 2 hours.  I had him in my hands facing me as I cried as hard as he was.

I almost gave him a shake as my frustration built.  

Instead, I laid that screaming child safely on the bedroom floor.  I closed the door and picked up the phone.

When Julie answered all I could manage was a tearful squeak.  Because we all had land lines and caller ID in those days- I didn't have to say much.  She could hear him screaming in the back ground.  All she said was "I'm on my way honey."  I unlocked the door and sat on the floor with Kelsey playing quietly in front of me.

Julie walked in 10 minutes later.  I looked at her and said through sobs- "I almost hurt him.  I feel so bad!"  She hugged me and said quietly "But you didn't.  You called me instead."  

She packed up both my kids, a few bottles and the diaper bag and took them to her place for a few hours.  She never judged me, she never questioned me, she has always supported me.  I often thank her for saving her Godson's life that day.  I didn't have many days like that (I went on anti-depressants soon after), but I knew that no matter where she was- Julie would always be there for me.

I promise my next post will be more upbeat- but I thought it fitting that my first post be about where it all began. I'll end this with my most heart felt thanks to the best friend a girl could ever have.  Julie- I can never repay you for what you did that day.  You may not think it was a big deal- but to me- you were an angel.