Happy Thanksgiving?

This morning started out calm and peaceful.  The daughter is gone, the puppies are laying in the sun, each boy is in their respective room, and my husband is up North presumably hunting for Bambi's dad.

But a storm is brewing.  Not an up-in-the-sky kind of storm.  It is the annual "When are we leaving for Aunt Lois'- I don't like any of this food-how soon can we go home" storm.  The boys have matured, but each year offers a new challenge.

I've just completed prepping my contribution to the Thanksgiving feast- crock pot dressing.  I used 2 burners on the stove just before lunch time.  Andy and Michael have internal clocks that could teach Greenwich Mean Time a thing or two.  These boys are typical garbage disposals whose timers go off at exactly 11:15am every day.

But today- I had to make stuffing.  Michael comes down 2 minutes early to prepare his Hot Pocket....

Me:  Michael (I wait for eye contact) THIS burner is still hot.  Make your plate over there on the counter.

Michael:  What?

Me: I repeat, THIS burner is still hot.  Make your plate over there on the counter.

Michael:  Okay- but what are you making.

Me:  Stuffing.

Michael:  Yuck! I have never liked stuffing.

Me:  So you won't be one I worry about not getting a serving.  I was just hoping this is enough.

Andy comes down the steps at exactly 11:15.

Andy:  MOooooooOOOm!  Why did you make a mess in my kitchen?!

Note- not once in this boy's 20 years on Earth, has he ever called this his kitchen.

(Storm clouds are gathering on the horizon)

Me:  Andy, just make your nuggets.  This burner is hot (pointing out specific burner), so make your meal at the table.

Andy:  Well, we certainly are a bilge rat today!

(Thunder rumbles in the distance)

Andy microwaves his 4 nuggets (always four, never five, always arranged in the same square on his plate) he brings a bag of chips from the pantry.  I have my back to him and the stove as I wash dishes.

Andy:  Ah!  My bag has a hole in it, I'm losing valuable chips!!!

(Whoa baby, I see a tornado to the West!!)

I spin around to see the Andy trying to pick up chips from the edge of the stove I JUST told him was hot!!

He has set the bag onto the glass top burner and melted a silver dollar sized hole in the bag.  The burner is smoking like a chimney.  I throw a wet washrag on the burner, wiping up what I can before the rag starts on fire.

Me:  OH ANDY!  I just told you to make your meal on the table.  Let me clean this up.  You need to go sit down.

Andy:  Well you gorilla headed, magma sucking fool!  I need a drink!

Me:  Let me put the fire out first!

Andy:  Fire?  There's no fire!  Don't you DARE throw those chips out.  Your nothing but a pig headed, bat faced fool!

Michael thankfully doesn't scold Andy for the language...I've decided to let it ride.

(Winds have died down, by the sky is still grey)

I dump the salvageable chips into a bag.  I get Andy some juice and hope the storm is only going to skim the area.

Michael:  So are we taking 2 cars to Aunt Lois'?

Me:  We only have one car this weekend.  Dad has the other one up North.

Andy:  So when are we leaving?

Me:  Around 2 o'clock.  We are eating at 4.

Michael and Andy:  How long do we have to stay?

(Here comes the rain!)

This is the conversation I have been dreading for days.  I usually stay later and clean up after family gatherings while John and the boys head home early.  I enjoy this stolen time with my Aunts, cousins and Mom.

Me:  I'm not sure.  We'll have to wait and see.

(Cue lightning strikes!)

Andy:  Well I'M NOT STAYING ANY LONGER THAN I WANT TO.  If YOU think I'm going to wait around while you clean up after those fools- you got another thing coming sister!!

Me:  I'll bring your video player, chicken nuggets and the iPad to keep you happy.  Aunt Lois probably made you some cookies, and all your cousins will be there.

Andy: Cookies!  Cousins? I like cookies!

(The clouds seem to part, the sun peaks out)

Michael: It's okay Mom.  I'll help out.

Me:  Michael, I do declare- are you sucking up to me?

Michael:  Well I did hear you mention that you are going out Black Friday shopping.  Hate to ruin things now. (Big grin on his face)

Me:  Thanks buddy.  I'll take it where I can get it.

Andy:  I can suck up too...What is it?

(Do you see the rainbow?  Ahhh so pretty!)

Both boys have since returned to their rooms.  I have about an hour of scrubbing to do on the stove- but it can wait.   I'm not certain the storm is over, but I have hope.  This is the first year I haven't taken a shower while angry in a long time.  I might just have to beg off helping the family clean up this year.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the bilge rat, gorilla headed, 

magma sucking, pig headed, bat faced parents out there!

May your stormy days end with rainbows too.