I am told that many children go through phases where they experiment with cuss words. Some children have the sense to use bad language out of ear shot of an adult, some let a word slip while maybe playing a video game, others slap their parents in the face when they mimic what they just heard. Kelsey was just 2 years old when she first muttered "Jesus Christ" after hearing my father-in-law. We all became much more vigilant after that.
When Michael was in 7th grade it became evident that we needed to do an intervention. Asperger Syndrome made it difficult for him to manage his temper. He had an extremely short fuse and when he exploded- watch out! As one of his favorite teachers put it- "He will climb the mountain and jump off the peak." When Michael jumped-he swore aaaaaaall the way back down to the ground.
For reasons I can't clearly recall- John and I got into a heated discussion with Michael one Sunday afternoon. We were packing up to go to John's parents house for dinner.
Michael: THIS PLUCKING SUCKS!! (only he didn't really say 'plucking')
I know I saw red. My head spun on as if on a swivel and I snapped.
Me: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??? (I'm sure my voice went up 2 octaves and 80 decibels)
Michael: Well- YOU SWEAR ALL THE TIME TOO!
Me: I've been known to toss around a word or two, but not that often, and not THAT WORD! Besides, I'm an adult! (yeah, I pulled that card)
Michael: I don't understand what the big deal is?
John: Mike, words like that don't make you sound smarter, they don't make you look better, they just make you sound...stupid.
Michael: Oh, so now you're saying I'm stupid! THANKS DAD!!
We quickly realized that we were running down the same rabbit hole. Michael was going to use every word, every action, any further discussion as a catalyst to flame his anger. I was mad, John was mad, and Michael was beyond mad. Suddenly- it came to me.
Me: Michael, if you think it is okay to cuss like that- then for the rest of the day, you will finish your sentences with the word- 'plucking'.
Michael: NO!
Me: OH YES YOU WILL! If you don't, I will take your video games and anything else you hold dear. I will make you watch me drop them off at Goodwill, and I will make sure to get a receipt so I get credit for the generous donation on my taxes!
Michael: I just don't see what the big deal is!!?
Me: How should you end that sentence? (with eyebrows raised) Try again!
Michael: I don't see why your making a big deal out of this.....(quietly) plucking.
John: I'm sorry- I didn't quite hear you, say again?
Michael: Alright, I get the point!
Me: I don't think you do...how should you be finishing those sentences- or should we be packing up the X Box now?
Michael: Please don't make me do this, we are going to Grandpa and Grandma's now....plucking.
John: We don't care. You didn't care when you started swearing in front of us. Why is it any different if we are at their house or ours?
I ran upstairs to call John's parents and prepare them for the incoming storm. They have always been supportive of our unconventional approach to parenting- but even my Mother-in-law flinched at this one.
My Father-in-law took it on as a personal challenge- much to Michael's dismay.
When we arrived, Michael tried the silent approach. His mouth was clamped shut. He slammed himself into the recliner and stewed over his situation while the rest of us played cards at the kitchen table. After some time had passed, Michael went to get a soda from the fridge.
Grandpa: Hey buddy, what you doing? How was your week?
Michael: It was alright- until a little while ago...(through gritted teeth)... Pluuuuuuckiiiinng.
Grandma physically flinched. Michael is giving John and I the death stare, and Kelsey is dying of silent giggles in the other room.
Grandpa: How does that taste coming out of your mouth?
Michael: Not very good...plucking. I'm never talking to you people again....plucking!
After cards were finished (I'm sure John and I won all 3 games), we sat down to dinner. Michael is red faced and is probably planning how to kill us in our sleep, but he remained silent. I placed him at the end of the table and all the food was set on the other end.
That boy was going to have to talk if it killed him (or until he killed me).
We all sat down and filled our plates. Not a single item was passed near Michael. Conversations about school, work, and the recent football game spun around the table. Michael looked ready to cry. (Was I seeing the first crack in his demeanor. Perhaps a victory was upon us?)
Grandpa: Mike, aren't you hungry? Your plate is empty.
Michael: Pass the french fries....plucking. (tears in his eyes)
Kelsey has to leave the table, she can't control her laughter. My mother-in-law is trying to maintain her stoic face, and my father-in-law is obviously planning his next attack at making Michael talk.
Michael: And the burgers too...plucking!
Finally....
Michael: This is stupid. I sound like an idiot. You all are sitting here laughing at me. You are making me say this horrible word over and over. Do you enjoy torturing your own child!
John: Do you get it now? Does it make you sound smarter to use words like that?
Michael: No!
John: It didn't feel very good to use that word in front of your grandparents, did it?
Michael: No! But you made me do it!
John: No, we made you use it everywhere and every time you spoke. What we are trying to show you is that as you get older, you will learn how and when a small swear word might be okay. But you have a lot of growing up to do. Hopefully- it never feels good coming from your mouth. Some people start with bad words and end up hurting people physically with their fists. You need to learn not to use either thing until you have better control of your emotions.
The rest of the evening passed by with a new sense of calm. Michael realized that in spite of having the meanest, most cruel, and heartless parents on Earth, he had a thing or two to learn. I wish I could say that the lesson he learned stuck for the next 5 years. It probably bought us 2 months of peace. But that night- as Michael started up the stairs- he smiled at us and said-
Good Night...plucking.
(What a skinny little 'plucking' sh!#)
That boy was going to have to talk if it killed him (or until he killed me).
We all sat down and filled our plates. Not a single item was passed near Michael. Conversations about school, work, and the recent football game spun around the table. Michael looked ready to cry. (Was I seeing the first crack in his demeanor. Perhaps a victory was upon us?)
Grandpa: Mike, aren't you hungry? Your plate is empty.
Michael: Pass the french fries....plucking. (tears in his eyes)
Kelsey has to leave the table, she can't control her laughter. My mother-in-law is trying to maintain her stoic face, and my father-in-law is obviously planning his next attack at making Michael talk.
Michael: And the burgers too...plucking!
Finally....
Michael: This is stupid. I sound like an idiot. You all are sitting here laughing at me. You are making me say this horrible word over and over. Do you enjoy torturing your own child!
John: Do you get it now? Does it make you sound smarter to use words like that?
Michael: No!
John: It didn't feel very good to use that word in front of your grandparents, did it?
Michael: No! But you made me do it!
John: No, we made you use it everywhere and every time you spoke. What we are trying to show you is that as you get older, you will learn how and when a small swear word might be okay. But you have a lot of growing up to do. Hopefully- it never feels good coming from your mouth. Some people start with bad words and end up hurting people physically with their fists. You need to learn not to use either thing until you have better control of your emotions.
The rest of the evening passed by with a new sense of calm. Michael realized that in spite of having the meanest, most cruel, and heartless parents on Earth, he had a thing or two to learn. I wish I could say that the lesson he learned stuck for the next 5 years. It probably bought us 2 months of peace. But that night- as Michael started up the stairs- he smiled at us and said-
Good Night...plucking.
(What a skinny little 'plucking' sh!#)
Great blog! I have read all of them and this one made me laugh so hard I snorted. You should compile these blog entries into a memoir. Great writing :-)
ReplyDeleteWell thank you very much! I'm enjoying this adventure in writing very much. Please keep visiting, I have a ton of ideas jotted down.
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