Apron Strings

Just pretend I've been posting at least once a week since September...okay?

Kelsey is 22, almost done with college.  Her apron strings hang loosely around my thumb- because I think she wants them there.  A few weeks ago she called me early in the morning:

Kelsey:  Mom, we don't have any power!

Me:  Well there have been some super high winds all night across the state.  You probably have some power lines down nearby.

Kelsey:  I called the landlord to see if it was just us, but he didn't answer.

Me:  Sweetheart, your landlord won't have a clue about why you don't have power.  Have you turned on the radio?

Kelsey:  We don't have any power!

(I made a mental note to purchase the child a battery operated radio ASAP)

Me:  Have you checked the power company's website to see if your outage has been reported?

Kelsey:  We don't have any power!

Me:  You have a frickin' iPhone with Internet access...

Kelsey:  Well I called you instead...I'm not looking very smart right now, am I?

Me:  Honestly, I'm not sure how you've gotten through 3+ years of college.

Kelsey:  In my defense, my roommate couldn't figure out why our wifi wasn't working, I had to tell her that it was because we had no power.

Me:  You are living with the right people.  You fit right in.

Andy is now 21.  He is involved in a work program called Project Search.  He works at a local hospital and rides the city bus to and from work every day.  I try to give him some leeway with his apron strings because this program encourages independence.  His strings are in a single loop around my pinkie finger...

Andy:  Mom, I don't get lost in the hospital at all.  I'm brave.

Me:  That's good.  So you know your way around the building?

Andy:  Kelly says I'm an old pro at this.

Me:  Well Mr. Pro, go shave your beard. 

Andy:  MOOOOOooooommm, why do you make me shave every day?

Me:  So you don't go to work looking messy and unprofessional.

Andy:  I shaved yesterday!

Me:  You also took a shower yesterday, and brushed your teeth yesterday.  Somethings must be done yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

Andy:  I hate shaving, I hate brushing my teeth too.  I only like drawing pictures and chicken nuggets!

Me:  Well that is wonderful.  By the way, your laundry is all done.  You can fold it on the table.

Andy: MOOOOOOOoooooommm, why do I have to fold stupid laundry!?

Me:  Have you ever heard of a Laundry Fairy?

Andy:  NO!

Me:  Well neither have I.  Fold your laundry after you shave!!

Mike is 19 and graduated last spring from high school.  He is currently taking classes at the local technical college. He is a young man whose world is still quite small- he has a LOT of free time.  The first few months I almost went nuts. Mike's strings feel like they are wrapped around my ankles since he seems to always be underfoot:

Mike:  Hey Mom, what are you doing?

Me:  Just loading the dishwasher.

Mike:  Are you going to do anything else today?  You know, like- something productive?

Me:  What are you saying?

Mike:  Well, you don't really do much as far as I can see.

(My death stare begins, but he's not making eye contact yet, so he continues)

Mike:  Sure, you wash dishes, make dinner, play with the pups- but what do you really do to keep busy?

Me:  Let me see- what do I do to be productive?  I was up at 4:30 today and so far I have:

Washed 3 loads of laundry
Baked a loaf of bread
Cleaned the kitchen after Dad's eggs, your sugar toast, and Andy's milk spill.
I repaired a picture frame
Swept the garage
Sat down and watched the local morning news with a cup of coffee
Drove your brother to the bus stop
Drove the neighbor guys to work

(Mike has finally looked up and made eye contact)

Me:  Now I plan to clean the upstairs bathrooms
Change the bedding on our bed
Wash the floors on my hands and knees
Maybe weed the flowerbeds one last time before it snows
Touch up the paint in the hallway
Take the puppies for a walk
Run a mile or two myself
Pick up your father for lunch
Take your father back to work
Dust (oh who are we kidding, I never dust)
Pick up your brother and attend a meeting about Project Search
Fix dinner
Eat dinner
Clean the dinner dishes
Make coffee for tomorrow
Sit down and fight about not wanting to watch football, hunting or ESPN News with your father
Crochet a bit
Go to bed

What exactly is your definition of "being productive?"  This is simply my definition of Monday!

Mike:  I've made you mad, haven't I?

Me:  WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE?  What exactly do you have planned today that fits your definition of "being productive"?

Mike:  I made my bed. 

Me:  Would I be pleased with the final result?

Mike:  You have ridiculous expectations when it comes to my bedroom.

Me:  I would be happy if it didn't smell like the boys' locker room and your quilt was 60% straightened.

Mike:  Like I said- ridiculous expectations.

Me:  I'm going to start charging you rent.


I'm glad they all need me to hold a portion of their apron strings.  Kelsey needs me to answer the phone. Andy needs me to monitor his beard and run the washing machine. Mike needs me to refrain from causing him bodily harm.  John needs a winter project like he had last year- but that is a post for another time.  His mother gave me his strings almost 23 years ago!