In both of our families, teasing is a form of affection. Old stories of what you have done or said pop up years or decades later. Someone manages to use it in a way you never saw coming. I refuse to share some of the stories my family has used against me, but instead I will share two stories of things I have done to my children.
When the economy started to nose dive, the news channels seemed to be constantly talking about companies downsizing their workforce. Sitting down as a family for dinner one night I started a conversation with...
Me: Your father and I have been talking. Due to the economy being so bad right now, we've decided we are going to have to let one of you kids go.
The 3 kids all pondered this for a split moment, John snorted into his glass of water, and suddenly Kelsey and Mike were trying to yell over each other...
Kelsey: (pointing to her brother) It's gotta be Mike, he was the last one in!
Mike: (standing up from his chair) Kelsey is the oldest, she's been here long enough!
We all cracked up- except Andy who sat in silence while the gears ground in his brain...
Andy: Huh?
This is the essence of my family wrapped up in 15 seconds!
On to the second story...
John and I agreed early in our marriage that we would never be that couple who added a year to their wedding anniversary to convince our children that we hadn't gotten pregnant before we were actually married.
We once went to a surprise 50th Anniversary party. The couple of honor walked in and were surprised alright- they looked at their children and said it was only their 49th anniversary. Apparently they had forgotten their fib decades earlier. As the parents and children stood in front of the crowd- everyone started to do the math...the laughter lasted for 3 minutes!
Kelsey was probably 12 or 13 when the topic came up. She was talking about a recent class where they had discussed pregnancy, abstinence, and birth control. Then she looked at me and asked:
When did you and Dad decide to have kids?
Me: (GULP!) Well, your Dad and I dated over 4 years before we got engaged. We were hoping to buy a house before we had kids.
Kelsey: But we just bought a house last year?
Me: Yeeees, children are costly, and your brothers' medical bills put us behind for many years.
Kelsey: Then why didn't you just wait?
(The gig was up, I had to swallow down my parental fears and admit the truth- gently)
Me: Kelsey, we were married in 1991. What year were you born?
Kelsey: I was born in 1991 too.
Me: We were married in April- the 4th month of the year. What month were you born?
Kelsey: October, the 10th month.
(Pause while she is processing...nope- she isn't getting it yet!)
Me: 10 minus 4 equalssssss.....
Kesley: 6
Me: Okay, so how many months does is take to grow a baby?
Kelsey: 9 months
Me: And you remember that you were very late, in fact you took 2 full days to be induced...
Her eyes got as big as saucers as she realized what I was saying. She finally realized that I was 3 months pregnant with her when we actually got married.
Me: You were the best oops in the world! Your father and I were so excited, everyone was excited! Actually, you were only my first oops. Andy was a surprise too. We hadn't planned to have you two so close together. But- eh, things all worked out- didn't they?
Kelsey: Well what about Michael?
Me: Well Michael was a bit different. You and Andy were about 2 and 1 years old. We knew we had wanted three children total...so we decided to try and we got Michael just before you turned 3.
Kelsey: Oh, okay....
Me: So you know what that means?
Kelsey: No- what?
Me: Well you and Andy were surprises- wonderful surprises. Michael was planned... so what it all really means is that we really only love Michael!
Kelsey: (laughing) Jeez Mom- I already know that you love him the most!
We got a good laugh over it. Once again, humor saved the day. I do love all my kids- planned or not. I wouldn't trade one of them for the world (most days). I didn't ruin my daughter with this tease, and I didn't break my promise not to lie about my anniversary. John's parents celebrate 50 years of marriage in April of 2016, we will celebrate 25 years together 3 days later. Should be a good party!
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