Bragging Rights and Butt Cheeks

My children all make me proud in their own ways.  We encourage (possibly beg and pressure) them to do their best.  We ask them to look at their work and ask themselves if they honestly tried- regardless of the outcome.  Here is one story where Michael, my youngest, managed to 'knock one out of the park'.

Last spring, Michael was selected to attend a leadership camp by the staff at his high school.  Our local rotary club asked for students who aren't normally recognized for their achievements, but deserve an opportunity to excel and tap into their 'inner leader'.  Two students from each public high school were chosen by their staff to attend this 3 day camp-compliments of the Appleton Rotary club.  Mike was interviewed after the nomination, and the paperwork was completed.  The camp opportunity was used as motivation (more like held over his head) for the next 4 months.  More than once we looked at him and said:

"Mike, the staff at North see something special in you.  They think you are a leader.  Do you really want to throw away that honor over some stupid ________?" (We had plenty of opportunities during those 4 long months.)

Finally, we sent the boy off to camp early one Friday morning.  My heart pounded all weekend.  Would he fit in?  Is he learning something about himself?  Is he having fun?  Dear God, please let him keep his temper in check!!

Michael returned on Sunday evening tired, happy and inspired.  Being a typical teenage boy, we got few initial details, but as days passed, he would share stories.  He really enjoyed himself and seemed to learn a thing or two.

In early November- the Appleton Rotary Club had a luncheon to celebrate the Rotary Youth Leadership Camp held earlier the previous month.  Each students was asked ahead of time (if they felt comfortable) to speak about their personal experience.

I had prodded Mike for weeks about writing a speech.  I told him it would be easier if he had something prepared and on paper.  I told him he owed the Rotary Club a few minutes of his day normally spent playing video games!  He balked and finally relented 5 days before the luncheon.  His original version had some great comments and statements, but it literally documented his days moment by moment.  We revamped it together on Monday afternoon (the day before the meeting), and he practiced reading it aloud Monday night.  He had a fit when we queued him to slow down and enunciate.  Monday night ended with Mike in a fury, John frustrated and me stewing silently between them.  I didn't have a lot of confidence about how the luncheon was going to go the next day. 

So on to the luncheon-

The first 5 students stepped up, introduced their parents and then briefly spoke about their experience. Most kids praised the new friends they had made and still keep in contact with. Everyone spoke off the cuff and did a great job.

I’m listening to these 5 students speak, dressed in nice clothes,and doing a fine job.  Mike is in dress pants and a tie to my left.  I won’t even look at him for fear he's is going to start whispering to me in a grouchy voice- “See Mom, you made me do all this for nothing!  I didn’t have to write a stupid 5 minute speech!! And why the hell am I in a tie?”  So- I chose not to look back at him.

Finally- Mike steps up to the podium and says in a small clear voice :

“I wrote a speech for today.” 

(I was relieved he didn't start out with "My MOM made me write a stupid speech!")

Suddenly- with the voice of a man I had never heard before...speaking with a confidence I didn't know he had in him...read his speech:

I would first like to offer my gratitude and thanks to both the Appleton Rotary Club and also to the staff at North High school who chose me for this experience of a lifetime. I wish every student could have this type of opportunity. Through the course of two and a half days I not only discovered what a leader is, but I found the leader within me.

You must understand- I am not the typical high school Senior. I have Asperger Syndrome. This form of autism gives me the benefit of normal abilities and intelligence-but I personally struggle with understanding sarcasm, anger and social issues in a typical high school atmosphere. I’m not a straight-A student, I’m not popular, I ran cross country and will do track this spring. I simply try to do the best I can every day.

When I was invited to this camp I wondered why my teachers would select me for this honor? My parents and teachers told me not to worry, that I would figure it out once I got to camp. This camp was the first time I have ever been in a safe, positive environment surrounded by kids my own age.

When I first got to Camp Manitowish, it took a little time to get use to the fact that I was on my own. After I dropped my gear in my cabin I was placed in the Zebra group. As a group, we did a little “black magic” to understand the importance of trust and following your gut and emotion. Although it took about two hours to understand the secrets of black magic, it was a fun experiment in mind reading and learning to trust your instincts.

I decided to do the discount double check right in front of the window leading to the dining hall before every meal. When we later went to the rope course to put our leadership skills into action, a girl from Spain did that discount double check move on top of the high ropes course. She didn’t know what that dance was about but she used it to celebrate her success on the course. Our group nearly set a record of milk crates stacked up high. It was great to work together as a group to (almost) achieve a record without any negativity- only encouragement from your teammates.

One of the funniest moments for me was an exercise using high school social groups. We were divided into several groups and received‘materials’ given to us by Rotarians. We did not know until later which group we were in. My group represented the Mentally Disabled. I honestly found it funny that I was randomly placed in that group because of my Asperger’s Syndrome. There was an important message taken from that exercise. We all discovered how hard it is to be part of only one social group in high school. It is better to be kind to everyone regardless of what they have or don’t have. That evening, our group had to create skits for the camp fire. We had to meet the requirements of:
 
1) Is it the truth?
2) Is it fair?
3) Will it build friendships?
4) Is it beneficial?

In our skit- all of us took clothing from a pile but one girl couldn’t get to the pile and ended up with nothing. We restarted the skit and placed all the clothes back on the pile. As the clothing was handed out the second time, the girl would ask for an item of clothing and it was given to her. In the end there was enough clothing to keep everyone warm. All of the campers had to determine if each skit met the ‘Rotary 4 Way test’.

Our final team Zebra project was to make a tea out of materials in nature. We decided to make a bubblegum tea. I’m not saying it tasted good- but I will say that after the cold weather and snow- the fire we had to build felt really good on our frozen hands! As the weekend drew to a close, I was dreading the farewells I would have to say. I reminded myself that there is never a final goodbye, only new beginnings. This camp helped me see that if you surround yourself with positive people, you will be positive too.

This experience was something I will cherish for the rest of my life. If you ask me now about what makes a true leader I would say:” A true leader is one who endures.” Leadership doesn’t from come leading people but by standing right next to them and telling them "I am here to help you." They are people who care about the others around them before themselves. I hope I can be one of those leaders.

Thank you to both the Rotary Club and the staff at North for helping me discover the flame within me. As I face my future, I will ask myself- Is it the truth? Is it fair? Will it build friendships? and Is it beneficial to everyone? These are great questions to live by.

Thank you

Okay- so by the second paragraph-I am in serious butt cheek clenching mode.  I learned this trick a few years ago from a dear friend...clench your butt cheeks so you don't cry- and it seriously works!! 

Still-I have a tear falling down my cheek that thankfully is away from the crowded room.  I’m certain my water proof mascara has failed.  I fear I am being a overly emotional mother until I glance across the room and see women wiping their eyes, and men swallowing pretty hard.  I know my husband is trying to maintain his manly composure, but I'm certain he's close to loosing it too.

After Mike was finished, the lady who had introduced each student could barely speak as she closed the presentation.  The president of the Rotary spoke last, looked at Michael and simply said with a choked voice “Michael, you ARE a leader!”

As the crowd rose to leave, we were basically surrounded by well wishers, hand shakes, kind words and big smiles with teary eyes.  This is a moment of a lifetime for me.  My youngest child had prepared a speech (although it took a bit of fighting), stood in front of a crowd, spoke clearly and straight from his heart. 

He did far more in 5 minutes that I had ever hoped for.  I just wanted him to speak like he didn't have a mouth full of marbles, express his gratitude to a wonderful community club, and share his profound experience with them. 

Even now- 2 months later- I tear up as I write this blog.  He could go on to be President of the United States, but I would be prouder of who he is right now- at this moment in time. 
 

Moral of the story?  Never... never ever, underestimate what your child can accomplish!  I once prayed this boy would be able to use words over sign language (or fists).  Speak calmly rather than scream (or swear).  I once hesitated to take him in public for fear of melt downs, but have seen him speak to a room full of strangers- and touch their hearts.   He didn't accomplish these things alone, it truly took hundreds of people to raise this boy (man).  I can't begin to name all the adults (and even some patient children) who have guided him through the years.  Every child has unknown abilities within them.  It is our jobs as adults to help them tap into those possibilities- what ever they might be. 

I hope that someday Michael will be a public speaker in some capacity...in some form...even if he only does it one more time before I die.  I want him make me clench my butt cheeks like he did at that luncheon. 

My deepest thanks to the staff at North High School and the Appleton Rotary Club for showing me parts of my child I didn't know where even in there.