Andyisms

My middle child has a creative mind and no filter behind his mouth.  A thought enters his brain and usually flies out of his mouth.  He sees it, he thinks it, and he says it.

Sometimes it is an original thought; more often it is a statement he has heard sometime over the last 20 years.  A movie line, a snarky comment he wasn’t mean to hear, or part of a song he heard on the radio.

You never see them coming.  His choices and situational placement could get him a job writing sitcoms in Hollywood- if they didn’t mind the recycling of previous episodes.

Here is a small collection of what we call….  ‘ANDY-ISMS’

“Mom, they don’t allow illness at school.  I am getting a cold (sniff, snort).  Illness is not allowed at school!!!!

(The new school year honeymoon was declared over with this one)

“Woohooo!!  Guess what…Spring is HERE!!  Only 274 more days until WINTER!!”

(There you have it folks. Something to look forward to?)

“Mom, was your Dad by chance a vulture cuz you are one silly looking vulture?”

(The boy greeted me with this the morning after a neighborhood party)

“Mom, you should never pull the arms off complete strangers!”

(Said with a British accent and I have no idea what he was referring too.)

“Mom, never touch a uvula, it could make you throw up!!”

(I had to look up the definition of uvula.  It is the dangle at the back of your throat)

“Molly quit barking like an animal!!”

(Would he have preferred the dog giggle or meow?)

“Smooookin’ is hazardous for your health!”

(He channeled Jim Carrey for one whole day!)

“We can water the trees just like the dogs do!”

(Thankfully we were up at the cabin)

“Mom, you can’t wear round shoes on square feet.”

(Logical, but I still want a pair of round shoes)

“MOM!! My name doesn’t work right on the computer- YOU NEED TO TYPE IN YOUR NAME OR I WON’T PLAY ON THE COMPUTER EVER AGAIN!!! Are you a virus or something?!?!?”

(He has no appreciation for parental controls on the kitchen computer!)

“Never, ever swim with alligators.”

(Living in Wisconsin lowers our risk level greatly!)

This is just a smattering of the goofy things the boys has rattled off over the years.  I wish I had kept a running list of what he has said over the years.